jjk.engineer

"In the end, we are all just dogs on a couch, trying to breathe."

All consumers, regardless of orbital state, require medical intervention. The Keplerian Consumer develops predictable chronic conditions. The Ascent Consumer generates acute injury events. Perihelion Health Systems exists to serve all populations, across all phases. We do not heal. We maintain. And maintenance is a recurring revenue event.

Following the historic negotiations documented in the 60 Paws investigation, the parties have executed a formal bilateral agreement. The complete treaty text, including all fourteen articles and supporting appendices, is reproduced below for the official record.

Some have questioned whether our model accounts for consumer "escape events"—moments when an individual attempts to break free through diet, exercise, or lifestyle modification. We have not overlooked escape velocity. We have monetized it. The consumer who tries to leave generates more revenue than the consumer who stays still.

When two former adversaries meet under a pine tree to negotiate the terms of their survival, one must ask: how did we get here? And more importantly, why is a seventeen-year-old cat journalist the one covering this? An investigative report by Luna, Senior Correspondent.