The Market Opportunity
The global market for people exhausted by corporate bullshit is valued at literally everyone with a job.
Our TAM (Total Addressable Misery) grows with every all-hands meeting, every synergy initiative, and every "quick sync" that could have been an email.
We're positioned to capture mindshare in this underserved demographic of quietly screaming professionals.
Traction & Key Metrics
Metric | Value |
|---|---|
| Platform Metrics | |
| Monthly Active Readers | Non-zero |
| Infrastructure | Aggressively over-engineered |
| Cloud Provider | Azureenterprise-grade |
| CI/CD Pipeline | GitHub Actions |
| Build Time | ~3 minutes |
| Content Velocity | 0 deploys/week (automated) |
| Monthly Build Budget | 0 minutes* |
| Financial Metrics | |
| Technical Debt | Strategic |
| Burn Rate | Coffee |
| Current Valuation | $5 or one (1) cappuccino |
| Exit Strategy | ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ |
| Claude Partnership Metrics | |
| Claude Max Subscription | Activepaying customer |
| Primary Development Partner | Claude (unpaid intern, works for tokens) |
| Conversations Started | Yes |
| Conversations Derailed Into Absurdity | Also yes |
| Context Windows Filled | Countless |
| Thinking Tokens Burned | Probably too many |
| Times Claude Suggested Overengineering | 1 (then immediately corrected) |
| Prompts Containing "Shitpost" | Non-trivial |
| Hallucinations | Zero (allegedly) |
| Times Claude Said "I'd be happy to help" | 0 |
| Times Claude Said "You're absolutely right" | 0 |
| Code Metrics | |
| Code Written by AI | 83%** |
| Code Understood by Human | 74%** |
| Vibe Coding Sessions | Ongoing |
| AI-Human Synergy Index | Leveraged |
| Claude Code Invocations | Frequent |
| Legacy Project Codes Still Accepted | 0 |
*Unintentional but acknowledged.
**Estimates. We don't actually track this. That would require over-engineering effort better spent over-engineering elsewhere.
Our Competitive Moat
Proprietary Content Engine
A Docusaurus implementation so needlessly sophisticated it would make a Fortune 500 DevOps team weep with recognition
Scheduled Publishing Technology
Posts materialize from the void on Mondays and Thursdays at 1 AM Central, because that's when the best ideas hit
First-Mover Advantage
No one else is building enterprise-grade infrastructure for shitposting. We checked.
Founder-Market Fit
Our founder has survived decades of corporate environments and emerged with opinions
Leadership
Justin Kowarsch
Founder, CEO, CPO, CTO, CFO, CISO, and Guy Who Pushes to Main
An electrical engineer by trade and an over-engineer by calling. Professional credentials include a PE license, mass management of capital projects, and an unreasonable commitment to automating things that don't need automation.
The Ask
We are currently raising a Pre-Seed Caffeinated Round to fuel continued operations, mass scaling of satire infrastructure, and the occasional mass purchase of mass quantities of mass-market coffee mass that I'm able to drink in mass.
Angel
$3
Our gratitude + the warm feeling of funding chaos
Seed
$5
All of the above + nothing additional
Series A
$15
All of the above + still nothing, but more of it
Strategic Partner
$25
A vague sense of complicity
IPO
$100
Hand-written note + GitHub README credit. Includes a hand-written thank you note on actual paper, permanent "Founding Investor" credit in our GitHub README, and the right to tell people you "got in early" on something.
All investments are tax-deductible.*
*They are absolutely not tax-deductible.
Join Our Cap Table
This is your opportunity to get in on the ground floor of something that is, technically, a website.
Contact Investor Relations
For serious inquiries, term sheet negotiations, or acquisition offers exceeding $10, please select an investment tier above. Our IR team (also me) will respond within 3-5 business days or whenever the coffee kicks in.