Privacy Policy
The Privacy Policy Nobody Reads But Everyone Should
Last Updated: March 7, 2026 (or whenever we remembered to update this)
TL;DR — The Cliff Notes Version
- We collect minimal data: analytics (Google), payments (Stripe), and authentication (Firebase).
- We don't sell your data. We're not that kind of business.
- You have rights under GDPR and CCPA. We'll actually honor them.
- Cookies are used. Essential ones can't be disabled. Analytics ones can (use an ad blocker).
For the legally masochistic, the full details follow.
What Data We Collect (And Why We Need It)
We integrate with third-party services because building everything ourselves would take forever and be worse. Here's who touches your data and what they do with it:
StripeThe Payment Processor That Actually Works›
When you participate in our "investment opportunities" (donate), Stripe handles everything money-related. They collect your payment information, process transactions, and ensure neither of us gets defrauded.
What We Collect
- Payment card information (they keep it, not us)
- Billing address
- Transaction history
- Device fingerprint for fraud prevention
Why We Use This Service
Because we wanted to accept money and Stripe is what grown-up websites use.
Their Privacy Policy: https://stripe.com/privacy
Firebase (Google)Our Entire Backend, Basically›
Firebase powers our authentication, database, and analytics infrastructure. If you ever create an account (currently invite-only), your data would live in Firebase Firestore. We use Firebase Auth so you can log in without us storing your password (because we absolutely should not be trusted with that).
What We Collect
- Email address (if you create an account)
- Library data (books, highlights, reading progress) — if authenticated
- Todo items — if authenticated
- Analytics data via Google Analytics 4 (G-YYY0NMTM5D)
- Session information
Why We Use This Service
Building our own auth and database would have taken forever and been worse.
Their Privacy Policy: https://firebase.google.com/support/privacy
Google Analytics 4The Digital Surveillance You Consented To›
We use Google Analytics 4 (via Firebase) to understand how people use this site. It tells us things like which pages are popular, how long you linger on content, and whether anyone actually reads past the first paragraph. Spoiler: the analytics suggest no.
What We Collect
- Pages visited and time spent
- Browser and device information
- Approximate location (anonymized)
- How you found us (search, social, divine intervention)
- Click patterns and scroll depth
Why We Use This Service
We need to know if anyone's out there. It's lonely.
Their Privacy Policy: https://policies.google.com/privacy
Your Rights (We Actually Mean It)
Privacy regulations exist for a reason. Here's what you're entitled to:
GDPR Rights (EU)
Access
Request a copy of your data. It's mostly page views and maybe some library books.
Rectification
Correct inaccurate data. Though analytics data is largely anonymous, so good luck.
Erasure
The "right to be forgotten." We can delete your account data. The memories remain.
Portability
Export your data in a usable format. JSON, probably. We're developers.
Object
Opt out of certain processing. Use an ad blocker. We respect that.
Withdraw Consent
Change your mind anytime. Clear cookies, disable JavaScript, live off-grid.
CCPA Rights (California)
Right to Know
What personal information we collect and why. You're reading it right now.
Right to Delete
Request deletion of your personal information. We'll comply, reluctantly.
Opt-Out of Sale
We don't sell your data. But legally we have to tell you that you can opt out.
Non-Discrimination
We won't treat you worse for exercising rights. That would be petty.
Cookie Policy (The Tracking You Agreed To)
We use cookies. Everyone uses cookies. Here's what each type does and how important it is:
How Long We Keep Your Data
Different data has different retention periods. Here's the breakdown:
Analytics Data
26 months
Google's default. Could be shorter, but we forgot to configure it.
Account Data
Until deletion requested
Your library, todos, and preferences persist until you ask us to delete them.
Payment Records
7 years
Legal requirement for financial records. Blame accountants.
Session Cookies
Session-based
Gone when you close your browser. Like tears in rain.
Analytics Cookies
Up to 2 years
Unless you clear them. We encourage browser hygiene.
Server Logs
90 days
Standard hosting retention. Security stuff.
Third-Party Services We Use
These external services help power this site. Each has their own privacy policy:
Questions? Concerns? Data Requests?
Data Controller: jjk.engineer (that's us)
Contact: privacy@jjk.engineer
We'll respond to legitimate privacy requests within 30 days. Spam will be ignored.
If you read this far, you deserve a cookie. Literally. We'll set one for you. With your permission, of course.
Views expressed on this site are my own and do not represent my employer. All satirical content is intended for entertainment purposes. No synergies were harmed in the making of this website.
Legal Notice and Disclaimer
Be it known to all readers, prospective litigants, and weary HR drones that all scenarios, characters, dialogues, and corporate malfeasance contained herein are purely hypothetical constructs, presented "as is," without warranty of reality, veracity, or immunity from HR retribution. Any resemblance to actual persons—living, departed, or reluctantly employed—or to specific organizations, subsidiaries, holding companies, meetings, conference rooms, email domains, job titles, salary ranges, organizational hierarchies, corporate buzzwords, team-building exercises, quarterly objectives, performance metrics, bathroom conversations, water cooler gossip, Slack channels, shared drives, expense reports, parking assignments, cafeteria seating arrangements, or interdepartmental feuds is strictly the result of the reader's fertile imagination and in no way a matter of record, precedent, or admissible evidence.
Should any perspicacious sleuth discern veritable correlations to real-world events, such recognition is hereby declared purely fortuitous, coincidental, and entirely divorced from fact. This disclaimer serves the dual purpose of (a) shielding yours truly from frivolous lawsuits, needless performance improvement plans, and impromptu "we need to talk" meetings that could easily inspire an entire future blog post, and (b) maintaining plausible deniability for all parties involved.
Reader discretion is advised. The author assumes no liability for occupational hazards incurred through excessive pattern recognition.