The following preview has been approved for all audiences by the Corporate Theatrical Review Board (Form CTRB-7, submitted in triplicate). Runtime: approximately 3 minutes. Parental guidance suggested for scenes involving uncontrolled productivity.
[Deep, dramatic trailer voice over black screen]
NARRATOR:
In a world…
[Fade in: Construction site, workers with tools]
NARRATOR:
…where competence… is a crime…
[PRODUCTIVITIE standing with shovel]
PRODUCTIVITIE:
“I built a building.”
[Quick cut: Executives at table, shocked]
NARRATOR:
…and governance… is God…
[LADY POLICIE unfurling massive scroll]
LADY POLICIE:
“Two hundred pages! Every requirement documented! Clear!”
[Thunder sound effect]
NARRATOR:
One woman…
[POLICIE in flowing robes, holding policy binders]
LADY POLICIE:
“Dost thou not see how well we could work together?”
NARRATOR:
…pursued one man…
[PRODUCTIVITIE walking away]
PRODUCTIVITIE:
“I have no use for them.”
NARRATOR:
…who wanted only to be left alone.
[Dramatic pause]
NARRATOR:
But when the system demanded…
[LORD COMPLIANCE pounding table]
LORD COMPLIANCE:
“BOTH matter! We cannot have failures in governance!”
NARRATOR:
…the impossible…
[WAMBA presenting elaborate circular diagram]
WAMBA:
“Eighteen months! The current best practice for major capital projects!”
SIR QUALITIE:
“The project is due in six months.”
[Record scratch sound]
NARRATOR:
…he chose… to build anyway.
[PRODUCTIVITIE picking up shovel at dawn]
PRODUCTIVITIE:
“We few. We happy few. We band of builders.”
[Montage: Construction happening, hammers swinging, building rising]
NARRATOR:
And they came for him…
[LADY POLICIE running with scrolls and STOP sign]
LADY POLICIE:
“STOP! STOP! STOP!”
[Workers don’t stop building]
NARRATOR:
…with policies…
WAMBA:
“This is a direct violation of organizational policy!”
NARRATOR:
…with frameworks…
LADY POLICIE:
“Fourteen decision-making junctures!”
NARRATOR:
…with consequences…
[LORD COMPLIANCE in tribunal]
LORD COMPLIANCE:
“Each violation carries potential TERMINATION!”
NARRATOR:
But he had already built…
[Camera pans up massive completed building]
PRODUCTIVITIE:
“The building stands.”
[Single bell toll, like cathedral]
[Long pause]
NARRATOR:
This winter…
[Quick cuts: Sebastian with wine glass]
SEBASTIAN:
“You’re all lying to yourselves.”
[POLICIE crying]
LADY POLICIE:
“What if they’re just… paper?”
[WAMBA jingling, looking lost]
WAMBA:
“Everything else is… bells and jingles.”
[BUREAUCRACIE in corner, taking notes on everything]
BUREAUCRACIE:
“I’m documenting this discussion for the permanent record.”
NARRATOR:
…witness the comedy…
[Executives arguing in meeting]
SIR QUALITIE:
“We’ve eliminated eight of the fourteen approval gates!”
SEBASTIAN:
“Six gates to dig a hole. That’s not reform. That’s rebranding.”
NARRATOR:
…the tragedy…
[POLICIE at window, watching construction]
LADY POLICIE:
“I could never build anything that beautiful.”
NARRATOR:
…the truth…
[PRODUCTIVITIE standing before tribunal]
PRODUCTIVITIE:
“Your governance creates a world where people follow processes to avoid blame rather than make decisions to achieve results.”
[Silence]
NARRATOR:
One building…
[Building standing proud]
NARRATOR:
…out of forty-seven.
[Beat]
SEBASTIAN:
(voice over)
“That’s not victory. That’s arithmetic.”
[Thunder crack]
NARRATOR:
From the blog that brought you nothing else…
[jjk.engineer logo flashes]
NARRATOR:
…comes a tale of love…
[POLICIE presenting frameworks hopefully]
NARRATOR:
…betrayal…
[PRODUCTIVITIE walking away]
NARRATOR:
…and consultants charging four hundred fifty dollars an hour.
[WAMBA jingling in new company badge]
WAMBA:
“We specialize in Post-Framework Optimization!”
[Beat]
NARRATOR:
THE LAMENTABLE COMEDIE OF POLICIE AND PRODUCTIVITIE
[Title card: Elaborate Shakespearean text]
[Beat]
NARRATOR:
…or as the marketing department insisted…
[Title card transforms]
GOVERNANCE EXCELLENCE: A LOVE STORY
NARRATOR:
A play in five acts. Approximately forty-two thousand words.
(Or seventeen consecutive all-hands meetings.)
Because sometimes…
[PRODUCTIVITIE looking at building]
PRODUCTIVITIE:
“It’s not nothing.”
NARRATOR:
…nothing changes…
[Bells jingling in distance - same rhythm as WAMBA’s]
[A NEW consultant appears, identical bells, different company badge]
NARRATOR:
…except the acronyms.
[Title card]
Coming to a blog near you.
Rated M for Meetings.
[Post-credits bonus scene]
[BUREAUCRACIE holding POLICIE’s hand]
BUREAUCRACIE:
“She created a ninety-page procedure for updating procedures! It’s MAGNIFICENT!”
[PRODUCTIVITIE stares directly at camera, deadpan]
[Fade to black]
This trailer is for a five-act play currently in development. Subscribe to be notified when the full production begins. No consultants were harmed in the making of this preview, though several were billed.