The Sludge Report: The ATS Optimization Incident
· 9 min read
The following job posting appeared on LinkedIn for 11 seconds before being filled.
Justin once argued with PLCs for a living. He won some. Lost some. Eventually, the PLCs stopped being the problem. Now he's a superintendent at a petrochemical company, which means he attends meetings, reads emails, and serves as a supply chain for the supply chain. To call it "his job" would be to undervalue the existence of meetings and emails. He has a team that manages capital projects. He coaches and guides them — that's the good part, the part that still feels like building something. The roasting is reserved for everyone else: the memos, the processes, the org-wide initiatives that land in his inbox like compliance confetti. He writes satire not because he hates corporate America, but because he's inside it, and the only options are laugh or dissolve. Lives in Louisiana. Has two dogs named after astronomers. Knows more about spreadsheets than anyone should.
View all authorsThe 12 Steps to Maximum Productivity: A Revolutionary System
· 7 min read
"I finished this book producing 10x more in half the time. The system works. I can't explain how, but it works."
— Verified Reader, Productivity Monthly
What if everything you thought you knew about productivity was only scratching the surface?
What if the real strategies — the ones that actually optimize your output — have been waiting for you this whole time, hidden in plain sight, accessible only to those willing to commit to the full system?
This is that system.
Twelve steps. Thirteen chapters. One destination.
You're about to begin.
The Sagan Protocols: Under the Pine - A Golden Doodle's Journey from Victim to Visionary
· 30 min read
"In the end, we are all just dogs on a couch, trying to breathe."
— Sagan, Day 47
The Sagan Protocols: The Couch Accords - Full Treaty Text
· 22 min read
Following the historic negotiations documented in the 60 Paws investigation, the parties have executed a formal bilateral agreement. The complete treaty text, including all fourteen articles and supporting appendices, is reproduced below for the official record.
The Sagan Protocols: The Couch Accords - A Historic Agreement Forged in Crisis
· 15 min read
When two former adversaries meet under a pine tree to negotiate the terms of their survival, one must ask: how did we get here? And more importantly, why is a seventeen-year-old cat journalist the one covering this? An investigative report by Luna, Senior Correspondent.
The Sagan Protocols: Field Notes from Control Subject Kuiper - A Fall from Grace
· 12 min read
For twenty-eight nights, Control Subject Kuiper watched from his perch of superiority. Six feet minimum from the Primary Emission Zone. "Shows signs of intelligence," they wrote about him. "Superior judgment." "Demonstrates excellent risk assessment." He believed it all. He was a fool.
The Scar Tissue of Organizational Learning
· 3 min read
Somewhere, sometime, four departments that had never agreed on anything were forced into a room together. HR brought liability concerns. Legal brought precedent. Risk Management brought actuarial tables. Facilities brought a purchase order.
They left with consensus.
That alone should tell you how bad it was.
Thriving with Two Strings: A Professional's Guide to Excellence Under Impossible Conditions
· 13 min read
"Constraints are not obstacles. They are invitations to excellence."
— Margaret Thornberry, author of Why Your Failure Is Your Fault: A Journey to Accountability
Chapter 7: Embracing Your Two Strings
Welcome back, friend.
Today, we're going to talk about something I call the Two-String Methodology. It came to me in a dream.
The Great Rift Valley Incident: Confessions of the Ant Observer
· 12 min read
A companion piece to the Great Rift Valley Incident series
I Must Confess
My name is Dr. Zyx'thor, Senior Xenoanthropologist with the Intergalactic Institute for Comparative Civilization Studies. For the past 847 standard cycles, I have studied your species with increasing confusion and occasional alarm.
I am writing this confession because I can no longer, in good conscience, remain silent about what I did. About what I observed. About what it means.
I was the ant.
The Great Rift Valley Incident: Part 4 - Legacy
· 17 min read
Previously: Week Three has ended in crisis. Hunting efficiency is down 43%. The tribe is starving. Hunters have begun ignoring Derek's system and returning to old methods. Derek has responded by implementing stricter process controls. A reckoning approaches.
Opening Narration
The ant is positioned on the highest rock overlooking the settlement. Dawn of Week Four. The narrator's voice is solemn.
"In nature, every ecosystem seeks equilibrium. When a foreign organism introduces instability, the system responds. Sometimes the intruder is absorbed. Sometimes it is expelled. Sometimes it simply vanishes, as mysteriously as it arrived."
Derek is visible, setting up for the Monday morning Stand-Up. Only four tribe members have gathered.
"This is that final category."